What are soul themes ?
 
The way I have learned what soul themes are is basically this; before we incarnate our soul chooses a kind of "you template" for this lifetime. It chooses when you will be born, what you will look like, your personality, traits, interests, your family and more. It also decides what lessons you will work on, challenges, talents, and roles you can play for others, as well as            " archetypes" or character behavioral templates. Many have written books on all of these aspects, I'm sharing an understanding of my own shadows, wounds, physical lessons, and so on that I have experienced to overcome, heal or accept.

The basic soul mission itself is for to you to become human , to be born into helpless oblivion then figure out how you will play with all the things your soul gave you along with a set of circumstances in which to grow from. There are soul missions of kinds, and some souls choose several tasks. I have heard the reference that this experience is a game that we are offered to play. Often I have gotten upset at those words because its been a very hard life for me with so many moving pieces and seemingly impossible challenges, blocks, and issues, to figure out and try not to give up. My game in this reality was mostly a dark one, many lessons, many hardships to overcome. 

Does it matter if we know this stuff or not?  

Well, to some people maybe it doesn't matter at all. Some people go through life as life just as it is and get to the end achieving something maybe or just going through the basic stages of birth, developing a self, experiencing emotion, good and bad and that's it, maybe having a few ah ha moments of growth. And the soul maybe moves up a rung in the universe, or maybe it's a do over if they got too invested in the earthly pleasures and forgot their spiritual aspect. Or maybe they are to play the support or stability role for one who has taken on more challenges or goals let's say so they generally won't want to know the deeper stuff. All choices are Divine and accepted.


For me, my soul choices or lessons were dark from the beginning. So in order to remain in this body and on this earth part of my spiritual aspect was still in tact. I knew there were reasons for things and I knew advanced spiritual ideas for a kid. But It would not "save me " or spare me of anything. I didn't get to go through the less than 20 items line to get to the prize. It didn't stop the things led to more trauma into my adult life that I could not quite grasp. But it offered a glimmer of hope and purpose to keep fighting and find the "why" in things. The why gave me a parameter in which fight, fix or accept so I would not bail. 

As I grew up I had no idea about things like understanding the long term implications of abuse, ADHD, genetics, illnesses from chronic stress, CPTSD, universal truths, and so many other forces that come into play for me and many others. As I grew up and things got darker I had to seek out those who would know what my soul purpose was or help me understand the why and share bits of my soul's plan for me.  The first spiritual teacher I sought was at the age of 18 as I wanted to "cut cords" with someone that was abusive. And with each episode of darkness I narrowly escaped from, I ran right for the "light" found in the intuitives, healers and energy workers to try and gain insight from to keep going, at 12, i no longer wanted to stay, at 18 I no longer wanted to stay and it goes like that. Each time I was given a piece of information about myself,  was strengthened, patched up, infused with love and understanding then sent back into battle. 

I was always told later on in life I would take the role of a healer. So I began following the bread crumbs and studied spiritual bits at a time while I was doing my best to get by with the wounds and the soul mission I was given. It was an extreme existence of lost innocence through sexual childhood abuse, and all the trauma and subsequent drama that follows.

The  main life theme in my life was to learn unconditional love. But by no means would that be the only one. But that one was the most significant need my soul wanted to advance with. And the assignment would be to sort out an ugly twist on the very beauty and connection of sexuality. 

After much inner work with others my archetypes would include the following : Wounded Child, Saboteur, Advocate, Prostitute Warrior and my soul wished to use my body to teach me on several levels. My mind would be an equal challenge as well with little consistency to finish anything -but Ill get into all of that on the various pages   

The reality was this; I was driven by fear my entire life which was created in my infancy.  Although fear is at the root of all misery and self limiting beliefs the antidote would have been to surrender to self love but I was rarely ever able to feel enough safe or still enough to begin that process.  Instead I was confused, felt shame, guilt and I hid from the world, hiding secrets, holding false identity, and a no sense of a "self" to trust myself. I trusted the light workers instead of myself because I couldn't find myself if that makes sense. You have to develop as a human kid somewhat intact to make basic decisions and have basic boundaries of safety.

Stick with me here I'm about to reveal my secrets

For me and my spiritual spark I needed to learn more from the spiritual realm.  If in fact I was to fulfill any part of that soul plan I had to sort out each thing such as what pain came from where, why, who and how do I release it and move forward. I had to label the limitations I took with me from my youth, sort out what parts were me or them. Personality traits such as stubbornness have cost me time. The Saboteur worked hard to make sure anything I tried to accomplish would not see the light of day, one example was avoiding a huge modeling job for a magazine by not losing just 10 pounds.  Suffering itself was a past life archetype and a generational one at that. Having taken on the Advocate role was sometimes counter intuitive as I would always stand up for the other guy, not realizing I still needed massive healing in my own life. On the light side of that I was able to use my artistic gifts as a way of funneling in good energy.   I was willing to be self aware which enabled me to recognize things I had to change and grow. None of it was ever easy in fact it felt like I always had opposing forces working against each other offering me little stability or direction- like ADHD for example and trying to use my artistic talents to earn a living felt like a dead end because I wasn't able to focus to accomplish a project and felt worthless. That feeling bled into my artwork so what I did manage to finish would get ripped off or I'd give my art away thinking it was no big deal  . I often say I took on way too much. I never really got the therapy I needed for all that I needed to get through. I didn't trust people in general from my subconscious it was like "no was there to save me as a kid" how can I trust anyone at all. Again I sabotaged my own healing efforts from the human side. By the time I was diagnoses with ADHD plus other stuff so I played the smarty pants due to the stigma of how lazy, stupid and worthless it made me feel tohave this issue. And now I'm learning about the "masking" I've done to be what others expected me to be as well.  It was a combination of opposite beliefs I held about humanity, yet I wanted to help humanity? mmmm

I hope anyone reading this who might be struggling can learn from me as I admit how much wasted time and energy I blew on self hatred, self sabotage, pride, stubbornness, trust issues
anger, acting too smart or being too embarrassed to admit all the difficulties in my life due to the shame and guilt of abuse and a sticky brain, and a super toxic self image. We are the Divine and all these emotions are meant to be felt and cleared not to be buried or used as an excuse to stay little, invisible or to self sacrifice or self sabotage. Rather to be lessons written in your soul contract to be aware of, learn it, and let go and love. Easier said than done in cases of extreme situations. 

Things really only began to clear up for me in my mid 50's --after the loss of my parents. I began going through some more intense shifts to finally re-wire my brain back to wholeness. I finally had to face my victim hood and release it so the victim becomes empowered and retires as a mission fulfilled, a check off my list .  The classroom full of hard knocks, drama- and childhood wrongs are no longer needed, those lessons painfully learned and released in all directions and with all those involved. Shadow work helped me  to clear my own dark in some of the ongoing adult traumas and I learned how to integrate it back into light, in those situations no more judgement, negativity or animosity towards the twin flame soul contract players.  

It took from 2016 till now 2023 to unload lifetimes of darkness, karmic payback, and recognize generational wounding and negative patterns and beliefs. I had to renounce 33 years of naughtiness with black magic  to release this lifetimes karmic payback as a victim. Whew. So lets hope many of you out there were not saddled with so much. I'm 20 years behind my schedule of where I had hoped things would have turned around. 


And then after all this deep, grueling inner work non stop for years since to heal --on my own, (that's a future blog) comes the Great Awakening.... and I had to see humanities dark side....