We tend to think in terms of advocates, rallies, protests when we here the word empowerment in undoing the suppression or hurt caused by another, whether it be in groups or individually. I used to think of it as a quest or a mission of the utmost importance and seriousness. And it is, giving a voice to a violation begins a healing process. But i have also learned there are perhaps gentler equally powerful ways to invoke one's own power, and overcoming adversity.
Having come through some of the most painful forms of abuse and submission from infancy on i was and had an unrecognizable self and was forced to live in dual reality until a major life event cracked my skull wide open and my truth came pouring out. It was both frightening and right on time. After the shock an awe at the realization of being so badly mangled and surviving what i shouldn't have- i now had the task of processing mountains of pain and sorting through every psychological, emotional, mental, and physical damage that was fused into my altered being. I would have to painstakingly peel back every layer every thought process every belief system i had to identify whether it was "false" or "truth" in other words to see if it was brainwashing or actually who the new "me" actually is inside. Most of learning how not to fear her as i was taught.
During this life altering time frame It was as though the ground fell out beneath my feet and i was falling through what seemed an insurmountable pit of blackness. After weeks of mounting anger, betrayal, humiliation, abandonment, self hatred and suicidal fantasies. To my surprise i felt an actual challenge of my faith, God and all the spiritual beings and beliefs i was connected to also seemed to betray me. "They" were the invisible forces that kept me alive throughout my life during this altered state. They so often came to my rescue when i asked to be relieved of this life when facing yet another crisis or betrayal. I was feeling alone and utterly shattered by everything and everyone.
Slowly, i began to connect with a higher consciousness and realized it was the time i had always been told about when i doubted my value in living. If i could find a stable place within i would have to begin the painstakingly, daunting task of discovering what pieces were missing, which ones were completely re-wired and simply how to move forward in this absolute nightmare of a life i suffered and rebirth myself. From the worst of my experiences i most always found safety in the creative realm and music-- even if to numb me in a good way not a destructive one--it seemed its all i was given to survive a world of cruelty i grew from. And from where i sit right now i know creative energy is a direct source of love from the Creator meant to assist us in so many ways. An empowerment tool that perhaps we don't think of having as much power or effect on us as it actually does.
In my design state i began to create very strong connections to "characters" that were made up of specific beliefs and missions that came from inside me. I sketched then began making costumes based on these internal parts of myself that needed a voice. I didn't know it then but this was connecting to a healing energy that allowed me to rest, to reboot negative energies and think possibilities not pity, stagnation or stay in permanent darkness during the days of self imprisonment, servitude and emotional and mental slavery.
Costumes began a discovery process for me into something similar to "archetypes" which are like many like character with distinct personalities within us that represent parts of who we are. They embody our best and worst selves in various ways that must co-exist within. At different times in our lives we call on these for a purpose. To each person it is personal and specific. I realized the costumes or personas i was creating were not just archetypes but also past lives that had a particular message or theme of empowerment i somehow remembered, that i could apply to healing or joyful growth now.
Sketching or sewing or creating characters became a sort of play therapy for me to sink into and the creative energy would be calming yet invigorating as well and therapeutic all on its own. I suggest to anyone to play with ideas that come from within to call on when you need to. Going inward to find these characters or parts can help deal with anxiety, stress, clarity, direction, and personal problem solving. Today there are conventions, attending one myself so far built around some form of pretending to something bigger, more powerful, more unique, gifted etc. Though it seems like a perpetual "Halloween" ensemble it most definitely fills a need within, creatively.