Get Soul'd
First Photographers
Welcome! To Get Soul'd
I am your host Sue Read
Welcome to Get Soul'd.
Get Soul'd was created as a voice for me in the second chapter of my life in order to overcome fear and the inability to "speak" and be "seen" in the world due to childhood trauma beginning at birth. As the life experiences get expressed it allows me to accept new energies but use the old to learn from and share and maybe help others heal or just get insight into a piece of humanity.
I was guided to do a "show" in 2015, from there is was one attempt after another to honor that request to be "seen" and heard" but I just wasn't ready. It's been painful baby steps to get here.
It is difficult to explain to those who have not been impacted by some type of severe childhood damage how the inability to speak or be seen, and how not developing a"self" can deter one from feeling a part of the human race at all. The programming is one of powerlessness, shame, distortion, disconnect and often addictions and or numbing to survive. This website will be the beginning of the end of all of my past programming. Its not just about the spirit -it's about all parts of us that make up the human-soul experiences. And all are welcome here.
Creativity and spirituality were the very foundation of my survival, my healing, and potentially a part of my future success. The one thing that was missing to get to that success and change was my authentic voice and essence. My "showing up" in the world somehow to bring those messages, experiences and maybe some wisdom regardless of negativity or being criticized. I was always my own worst critic and prison guard so I definitely did not need to make myself a target. But now I understand through these baby steps you can't have one without the other. I realized the other day -I have about 20 plus years left to go. Am I going to spend the rest of it in stagnation and fear? That isn't what the life purpose is for any of us.
Get Soul'd begins with me dipping my toe in the public waters after a lot of background tests, challenges, intense & painful healing for the past 8 years. But doing this aspect- the website has been the most daunting because I attempt to expose some of the most painful, but educational parts of my life to evaporate into the ethers and move forward, and hope I can convey myself in a universal way--huge challenge indeed. Forming words, writing, editing, is part of my stumbling block - I see/feel life in images, feelings, color and energy. I do not want to appear as a victim, or egotistical, or clumsy....but it is what it is. I am also on the spectrum, ADHD, empathic, old soul, etc, etc..-that whole package.
I try to unpack these pivotal experiences of my own life as "departments" including the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical which are all a part of the human-soul experience when we are born. The key is to recognize within each challenge, "mistake", betrayal, wound, pain, any dis-regulation and imbalance of these "bodies" which we are made of and find the root cause, and find remedy through these paths.
*Please note I am not a web designer, writer or therapist. I am very neuro-divergent with many stumbling blocks in actually getting this project off the ground to appease my soul purpose and progress. I am hopefully ready to accept this mission, holding on to my faith for good measure. This website began in 2019 and has been waiting for me to accept my fate.
For those interested in more details of my story, click here.
Some may wonder why I highlight wrestling as an impactful experience when it may not appear to fit the "criteria" for spiritual growth. We have many such experiences that can activate growth.
-Wrestling for me was a physical catalyst in healing right after my parents died, so it is very important for me to include in the website.
We heal from the four bodies; Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual...
I will briefly share with you why I included my wrestling page. When my parents died in 2016, that event set off a huge breakdown that the spiritually aware refer to as an "ego death" or "dark night of soul" as it is often referred to as, and is critical in finding one's own truth-- it works whether you've had abuse or not. But for me it was the beginning of cracking open my can of worms. I was programmed for failure since I took my first breath, my mind and body became the possession of others to which I obeyed without question with confusion, Their deaths broke the spell, but left me dangling off a cliff by a thread and I was scared to live more than before. And no one was going to help me find my way but me. It would be the first of several crashes. But in between I had an profound experience to help me through certain aspects of this new chapter--wrestling at 52.
I also had a lot of anger to try and resolve in a healthy way.
***Properly forming and identity or a healthy "self " perception during childhood growth is critical in forming safe relationships. It is essential in learning life skills, having focus, confidence, boundaries, brain function and cognition, it's pretty much its the ground floor or foundation for--everything. From my beginnings with sexual abuse I had a love-fear relationship with men to say it simply. But none of this is simple. And I have spent my entire life so far trying to pick each piece apart to rebuild.
My "dark night" process began to ease up after months of feeling like I was on the edge of a cliff in the dark and full of terror, ready to fall in a black pit. I was and even angery towards God, dismissing everything spiritual I had once believed, and questioning everything. I stayed mostly near my bed and in my room afraid to do anything.
I began to calm and regroup months later bit by bit. A neighbor whom I had gotten close to after he helped with my dad's care (also abused as a kid) loved wrestling. One day he just stopped talking to me. I shrunk into my own issues of abandonment fear, anger and couldn't figure out what I had done to deserve being shut out. After 9 month's the silence broke in April, we talked again but only after I signed up for the wrestling school. That December a powerful energy emerged in me A warrior emerged - maybe a bi-polar surge of this invincible energy I had never experienced before. I wanted to show him that self empowerment was possible by being your own hero and to heal from childhood abuse could also be done. But come to find out I still had a long way to go.
Never did I image at 52 I would go from 0-60mph. The condensed version here is that in wrestling I learned to trust men, I found my deepest vulnerabilities, found a family, released tons of pent up anger safely and absolutely loved the whole adventure. It brought up fear, trauma, even something called Vocal Cord Dysfunction, every facet of my being their was some aspect that needed to be felt and processed emotionally, mentally, physically and yes even spiritually. But it was the most fun I ever had too. I wished I had done this in my 20's. It was a daring but worthwhile "therapy" to find some self empowerment, acceptance, friendship, socialization, and so much more. Go to the Wrestling page for more. That year I also created an alter ego named LazrEye using creativity to grow from by facing a ton of fears at Comicon.
There is much more to the journey and I will share the most important stuff.
Thank-You & Namaste
Privacy Policy:
I do not want to keep of sell any of your personal information. ( I am not that savvy) through any required cookies to view my website. I will update all legal policies and statements as features or functions are added to the website.
Cookies:
I do not want to keep or sell any of your data should you choose to accept my website's request for using any cookies. As legal policies require more updating for this website, and as this website is updated for more functionality so too will the statements required by law be amended.
In the interest of getting this website published I had purchased Seers Privacy and Cookies legal app to use here, however I am still trying to locate its functionality and will update as soon as this is officially published. I have been told it won't show up until it is published. Thank you for your patients.
(Some of my story if interested)
Self awareness came through chaos and pain while peace came through creativity
Prior to 2016 I was still running the old software in my subconscious as fear, lack, codependency and it kept me invisibly chained up. My creativity however enabled me to keep going, to keep on trying for that break through--it was a lifeline. The break through I had hoped in perhaps a successful project instead came through the loss of my parents. A lifelong pattern of attracting the same thing I was trying to correct. The pattern of self loathing and control perpetuating "mistakes", hurting myself and those who cared about me. I gave up my old dreams and perhaps stewed in a life of missed opportunities in my fog. Never to be that fashion designer, model or published artist or photographer and feeling worthless all the more. What I could not see before my fall, was that there always was a Divine plan, I just couldn't see it or believe it. My creativity provided sanctuary when I needed an addiction a mask or a small accomplishment--it was my go-to. I was fortunate for that in ways I only see now. I struggled at everything 24/7 except design and any form of art-- even though I could not provide a living for myself with it. Instead I spent all my time searching for validation as to why I existed if all there ever would be for me was pain with occasional pops of happy. I couldn't appreciate then I was blessed to have that gift to keep me on earth. I was cared for already and could not see I was given the freedom in ways to be a carefree child to create whatever I could (within a budget) for whatever reason I needed and didn't have to rely on that subsidizing my existence. I had a loving partner who didn't necessarily understand me or any of what I was going through but provided me with love, shelter, food, protection and freedom no matter how much I punished us, and was an awesome dad to both my children.
The dark night of soul triggers an identity crash
After 2016 through the loss of my parents came my identity crash (and a new beginning) On top of typical parental grief I experienced the "the dark night of soul" process or ego death which is necessary to begin deprogramming the codependency, image triggers, negative self beliefs and "dialogs" running daily subconsciously in the background. This process erupted for me because their strong energetic cords were cut. Everything I believed was wrong. I had been lied to, manipulated, given conditional love and taken on their generational patterns of fear and lack and traumas. This identity crisis even cause me to question spirituality and my faith in something beyond. I was angry and terrified to say the least. I had no idea who I was anymore except a failure as an artist because I could not provide for myself. That was ingrained in me that money and sex appeal were the most important assets to have (whether it be real or perceived). And the next stage would be to challenge every thought and belief I had surrounding that programming physically, mentally and emotionally. But most of all spiritually. I had to search my dark, find the light and who I really was in order to let go to zero point in order to live now. That is a process I am still in the midst of now, but have made significant progress on. Oh, i will mention too that at the very same time I lost them, I met another soul contract person who initially helped me with dad's care ( a karmic contract with dad). He was to assist in my identity tear down by exposing my deepest fears and triggers, secrets and wounds tied to the exposure to porn at 9 and attitudes of sexual exploitation in general. I saw the darkest sides of me in the form of such extreme self hatred that I wanted to die to keep it hidden. This embedded pain on self worth is the stuff people use addictions to quell. And depending on how the wounds were inflicted in childhood anyone trying to uncover these secrets might be met with severe "resistance" equal to the pain --lets just say.
Insane creativity, bravery and new physical pain in the aftermath
In 2017 and 2018 after my crash I had to figure out what parts of me needed stay or go. After months of shock at the way my parents left, ( the story of my father's care made me weak prior to his death- I lost my hair and near sanity and is a whole other chapter) the grief and now the void -- I actually got inspired creatively. But this time in a way I had never ever imagined. The friend who tore me down also gave me a reason to show him something too--like how to be your own hero. I began to see some light after months of extreme darkness. And I joined wrestling at 52 never liking it growing up. Wow what I missed out on in my life funk! When I cleared and cut the biggest negative cords, I freed up energy to expand and try new things! However what I was not prepared for was what would come out of pushing my body beyond what I thought possible. I hired a personal trainer for wrestling to help me with strength and endurance he was also a pro football player so it was painful and intense. I bought a weight cage to use at home. Then I was accepted for a show called Radical Body Transformation in part due to my "story"-the goal is to transform your body publicly and people vote on who should win. Well, I was pushing all the boundaries with fear, and with my physical body. My body was not healed fully from thyroid and other issues yet. The body holds cell memories and more fears were erupting. See my wrestling page. What became unbearable lung and chest pain that often pushed me out of the ring humiliated was a new diagnosis called Vocal Cord Dysfunction. It happens when extreme fear and anxiety surface and the only cure was to learn new breathing techniques and to clear those anxieties. So in the ring most times I feared being stupid, (a little dyslexic) or old, or out of my element or unable to compete, being too big or slow--so many thoughts bubbled up and shut me down. The more anxiety that surfaced my vocal cords were forcibly cutting off my air and i would have to leave the ring to allow others to so the drills. I was not fully confident until the months later which happened to be day my knee got pinned under Tyler and twisted --and I was out. That ended the show too. I wished I got into it in my 20's, as it played well with my new need to feel powerful physically and as well as a controlled aggression to balance the repressed in m. My intention was to get back in after healed. But other creative itches were coming out as I limped around. I knew I could not sit still though. While the knee healed I went back into creative mode and built a "bistro" under my back deck using the other parts of my body; hips to balance wood on; hands still good, arms and one leg. Then I realized something else. Another area in need of rest and healing. I noticed I was still injuring myself due to the effects of my stimulant ADHD medication. When I first began taking it it was the best thing I ever did so I thought. I realized it had sped up my body to meet my hyper mind but I could not shut down either of them to properly heal my body or my brain. I chose then to get off my ADHD medication which was very addictive. I was having too many episodes of monthly withdrawal when the agency did not fill the script in a timely manner. And I would go into monthly withdrawals because of them. I felt out of control again. After that I chilled for a bit trying to recalibrate find stability. Another creative outlet was designing costumes and characters I as "parts of me" and attending Comicon as LazrEye with my revamped body. I did not mention that my body also became a creative outlet when I had some work done to be able to wear what I designed. After many years I was over 200 pounds and not healthy with food addictions. In caring for my dad from 2015-16 the stress caused me to lose weight yes, but the wrong way and I lost my hair too. So I decided after I lost my old identity I'd go all in for a redesign. I wanted to fix the sag and the scars for my costumes, for wrestling and just feeling reborn physically too. But most importantly I was learning real self care and addressing issues rather than eating through them. So again there was the physical pain I put my body through there two when I did 3 cosmetic surgeries in one day, 10 hours on the table. I felt like super woman for a minute.
Round three of shock and awe: shadow work & the negatives
Then in 2019 to 2021, I went through yet another shocking process called "shadow work" which again crippled me for awhile. I wanted to get back to some of the things I was doing but the evolutionary process for the collective called for more inner work. Many of us "light workers or empaths" were going though this simultaneously to awaken ourselves fully to serve the rest of humanity having walked the inner horrors first. To do that it was necessary for those ahead of us to pass around certain videos of what evils were hidden in plain sight. I was introduced to a friend who became my teacher in this dark but necessary next chapter, Ingrid. And looking back I cannot imagine going though it alone. It took me most of my life to get to this point of clearing doing this alone I might be dead before I got it. And I was truly shattered for a solid year and a half before I felt the sun in my soul again. I didn't know what shadow work was. But it was a necessary awakening to see a bigger reality to move forward.. Suddenly my silly little costumes or projects or even being able to return to wrestling seemed so fickle. My "story" of sexual abuse, suffering and codependency became null and void almost in an instant. he worst things you can't even imagine happening -are. The only way to help humanity stop its rage and division would be to see my own deeds in past lives and clear them. So looking beyond this lifetime and the people in it and acknowledging for what purpose we all had to play roles of torture and inhumanity toward one another. And this is where I begin this website. All of these events and experiences have led me to here. To continue to heal through now one final step or leap into what is next. The simple (not so simple) act of being accounted for in this life. To be a voice heard in the sea of voices whereas before 2016 I remained invisible and unheard. This web page is the "next" purging of any remaining shadow and strength needed to add myself to the Divine collective of all of you.
There is much more to follow....its 2023 I wrote the above in 2021 Im kinda overwhelmed
If you are alive now you are a strong being and chosen to be here.
Update 2024, alot more energetic crazy stuff has happened
My disclaimer: This website is about me sharing my personal experiences that helped me learn to heal from trauma and some illnesses that came along with it. Whatever information I may share in my own healing and life experiences are what helped me. I don't suggest what worked for me will be right for everyone. I am neither a mental or medical professional.
Please use this website at your own discretion and responsibility. I am not offering diagnoses of any kind, medical advice or or promoting anyone use specific remedies or healing practices so please seek guidance when you need it especially in crisis-Please contact your local health professionals and trust your own gut instincts when deciding on any products, services, or links promoting such which may be added to this website as it grows. Any comments, research sources I may reference or my own results are related to my own experiences in self or coordinated healing; be it mental, physical, emotional or spiritual.
I will only place items or services of quality and what I am guided to, and have a belief in, but when it comes to your own well-being you are the healer, and have the all the power within.
Any spiritual services mentioned or offered on this website, or I refer it is "for entertainment purposes only" to be legally compliant with any laws or statues where required. Thank you
All Material Copyrighted beginning in 2019, through 2024
Always, Love Love, Love
Sue
